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SEX SECRETS: When — and Who — to Tell

See www.GodTest.com

Sex Secrets: When — and Who — to Tell
By Rebekah Montgomery with contributors Deb Strubel, Brenda Nixon, Eva
Marie Everson Joan Escherick and Anonymous.

Many women in your ministry circle have a dark secret — maybe you, too — that they can’t bear to share with anyone. This medical problem has deep spiritual implications because of the way in which it is
contracted and the terrible ramifications associated with it.We are talking about STDs or sexually transmitted diseases.

You may protest, “I’m married! I can’t contract an STD!”Like it or not, as marital infidelity and sexual promiscuity remains the norm rather than the exception, everyone is at risk. Today, one out
of every four adults in the United States will at some time in their life contract an STD.

As women’s ministry leaders, we need to be at the forefront for helping women and their families cope and heal emotionally and spiritually. God’s people must take the lead because of the huge impact on families, marriages, and because only we have any real answers.

Consider this:
• The American Social Health Association reports that 2/3 of all STDs occur among men and women 25 years of age and under. More than half in that age group are already infected. As this age group is of
marriageable age, think of the impact upon their future homes, childbearing, and intimacy!

Here is the dramatic story of one woman who contracted an STD inside her marriage. She has some answers to share, but because of the complexity of the problems caused by STDs, each of us who minister to
other women needs to educate herself and ready to apply Biblical answers to the hail of problems STDs can and will cause. (Resources and links follow at the end.)

By Anonymous

I couldn't understand the barrage of medical problems I was having. Itching, discharge, and then little blisters seemed to appear out of nowhere. I was newly married and wondered if it might be because sex
was now a part of my life.My doctor seemed nonplussed by it. I used pharmaceutical remedies as
well as home remedies, such as sitting in ice-cold water.My marriage was short-lived, in part due to my husband's infidelity. I changed physicians shortly after the divorce and was stunned when he
asked me how long I'd had genital herpes.My ignorance soon gave way to education and my life would be forever altered. Here's a little of what more than thirty years of living with an STD has taught me:

* When I began dating the man who would become my husband, I was faced with questions: When do I tell him? Do I tell him at all? The answer was, of course, "yes!" As soon as I knew we were headed for the altar I told him, including how I got it, how often it reoccurs, and what it would mean for us. I braced myself for his leaving but he chose to stay.

* While sex is only a small part of marriage (time-wise) it is still a VERY important part. It is possible to have a fulfilling sex life in spite of the complexities of an STD. Your physician will help you with this based on the nature of your STD.

* For the uninfected spouse going into marriage with an infected spouse, remember forgiveness. We've all made mistakes and will continue to do so. My new husband and I chose to use "outbreak" days as time to pray for my ex-husband, who eventually came to Lord and began his own ministry. Oh, the power of prayer…

* Having an STD does not automatically mean you can't have children. Your physician will help you determine any real dangers, timing, etc.

* While telling your husband and your physician of your situation is vital, it is not necessary to inform everyone you know. It's none of their business and you will find uneducated people can be very cruel.

* The most important one to be "real" about your case with is God. Pray for healing, not only physical healing, but for the emotional scars as well. These things are certain: He will never turn His back on you. Nor
will He hold your past over your head.

For more information, please see:

The National Institutes of Health: http://www.nih.gov
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention: http://www.cdc.gov
MedLine Plus (a service of the NIH and US National Library of Medicine):
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus?medlineplus.html
Advocates for Youth: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/arsh.htm
Dr. E. Everett Koop's web site (The former Surgeon General is also a believer):
http://www.drkoop.com

For Christian Perspective:

Focus on the Family http://www.family.org/
Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin, Texas
http://www.medinstitute.org/

***

If They Pay You to Speak, Is It Ministry? Or Business?
By Rebekah Montgomery

When it comes to ministry and money, there is not a one-size-fits-all answer. Look over these examples. Where do you fit? What fits you? Most importantly: How is God telling you to handle this?

Ministry By Faith
During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia begging him, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” (Acts 16:9-NIV)

Like Paul, for most of us, it’s not about money. Perhaps you also hear voices of women calling for help in your sleep. So when you speak, it is about answering the vision God has given you — not collecting your honorarium Here’s something about Paul’s “ministry fees” you’ll want to remember: Paul’s first contact and convert in Macedonia was Lydia, a businesswoman to the rich and famous of Philippi. She not only made sure Paul met her influential clientele, she provided for him financially.God has called some of us to ministry by faith. We receive a vision, step out and go to Macedonia — or Paducah — and God provides a Lydia in the person of a supportive husband, a sponsor, or maybe a financial bequest.

Ministry By Making Tents
Paul… went to Corinth. There he met Aquila with his wife Priscilla and because he was a tentmaker as they were, he stayed and worked with them. Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue… (Excerpts from Acts 18:1-4)

About two years ago, I encountered an elderly but spry widow woman preaching the Gospel outside Jerusalem’s Joppa Gate. She told me that she has preached on 7 continents and that her ministry is self-supported — by selling cosmetics!God has called some of us to minister by “making tents” or working with our talents to support our ministry. Right to the Heart of Women eZine’s main sponsor, Jubilant Press, is one such “tentmaker ministry.”

Ministry-For-Hire
“...for the worker is worthy of his support.” (Matthew 10:10)

Jesus said it. We believe it. But even so, this area can be awkward to talk about.
Kathy Collard Miller’s book, The Complete Guide to Speaking Professionally, addresses the subject of ministry-for-hire. Here is a small excerpt:

Most people do not understand the expenses that a speaker has. There are costs like office supplies, telephone charges, dry cleaning, specialized clothing, automobile expenses, printing costs, and mailing
costs. Though we may speak for only one hour at an event, a lot more time and energy is expended to do that.The most awkward part of fees, obviously, is actually discussing them with the meeting planner. If they do bring it up themselves and ask, “What do you charge?” I respond by asking, “What do you have available in your budget for the speaker?” If they respond with an amount that is more than you usually request, you can cheerfully say, “Thank you very much.” If it is less than you usually request, you can say something like, “Well, I usually request such and such an amount. Is there any way that you can raise your budget?” You must decide whether you are willing to take the lower fee.Although this is indeed an awkward part of our ministry, talking to knowledgeable people and seeking the Lord's guidance will give you greater confidence in determining your fees.

For additional information on ministry and money, see: The Complete Guide to Speaking Professionally by Kathy Collard Miller.

Start a Women’s Ministry From the Ground Up by Betty Voshage,

and The Money Mission: How to Find Money For Your Women’s Ministry by Pamela Christian.

. All three titles are available at www.JubilantPress.com.

Blessings!
Rebekah Montgomery: Editor
Linda Evans Shepherd: Publisher

P.S. Remember to sign up for our next Right to the Heart of Women's Ministry Seminar in Saint Louis, Missouri, August 6-7. See www.AttendNow.com.

P.S.S. Next week, watch for the popular audio postcard with the One-Minute
Ministry Tip. You’ll laugh, learn, and love it!

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June 2004